Chapter 9: The Reckoning
After my records finished playing, the beings in the room asked me questions about what I saw and how I felt about my life up to then. I knew that I had to provide an honest assessment ? I could not lie. I hesitated when they asked me whether I affected others more positively than negatively. I thought about lying to them and saying I affected others more positively, but I concluded that would not be the best thing for me to do because was simply not true and if I did they would know anyway. I really liked where I was before the review started and really wanted to stay there. I had this idea that if I said "more positive", I would actually have more of a chance at staying.
I knew those beings knew what I was thinking and I had to tell them that I felt that I could have done a better job on Gaia. I knew what I had come to Gaia to accomplish. I was well on my way to doing that but now I knew I wasn't finished, yet I didn't want to leave the city and go back to Gaia. They agreed and told me that I still had many things to do and that I may want to go back and do them. I was told it was understood how difficult it would be for me but it was necessary for the universe for me to finish my path.
They said that it might be wise to go back and live my life how I had originally planned it. They said I had set lofty goals for my life on Gaia and the events in my life were achieving the goals I had set. They said that I originally came to Gaia to learn and share with others using the wisdom that I have accumulated over several lifetimes. They said that I am needed on Gaia to help souls bring themselves and Gaia back to harmony.
They said that I have great potential to affect other souls, to help them grow, and that Gaia is the best place to do that. I was told that the events I had experienced thus far were preparing me to make a large contribution to the universe and that my actions were not to be considered personal attacks in any way.
I didn't want to accept that. I wanted to stay and I expressed that feeling. I told them I was tired and wanted to stay because life on Gaia is hard and unforgiving. I even told them I felt that my return would be dangerous for the universe because I was not advanced enough in my spiritual evolution. They said that was precisely why it would be in my best interest to go back to Gaia. They said I was more advanced than I was willing to accept credit for and that I was shorting myself through not being proud of myself and not using the wonderful tools and potential that I carry with me in my heart and soul.
They said that it was possible for me to stay in the city but I would need to finish my work on Gaia sooner or later. The type of work I am destined for can only be done on Gaia. I could stay if chose to but I would only be prolonging the completion of this phase of what I promised to do for this universe. They explained the fastest way to finish my work would be to go back to Gaia as soon as possible.
I was stunned to say the least. I became a bit angry as well. It was like I was given a present which was then promptly taken
away. I resorted to bargaining with these beings but it was no use. I still didn't like the idea of living on Gaia and didn't really want to go back. These beings understood me but they remained firm. They would not bargain most likely because they were basing their advice on facts from my life review that calculated the same way every time and they were experts at it. I had a decision to make that was really the hardest decision I would ever make and I knew it.
I left the room with great reluctance. I was very sad that I couldn't remain in this great loving place. I was surprised that I could feel as well as choose sadness and anger here. Here I thought I was all done on Gaia and felt I was going to move on but I really was not quite ready yet. I was fearful of going back, especially because of the wisdom I was just given from this experience. I knew that Gaia could be a dangerous place for a soul. It is easy to backslide on Gaia. Temptations abound and choices are many. Choices are a great gift we have but they can be influenced so much by many things. If feelings from the heart are not followed, they can cause an overall negative effect on much more than anyone can possibly comprehend. Between what I had just learned and seeing my life over again, I respected the danger of staying as well as returning and felt my impending choice to be an extremely important one.
I met Bob outside. I told him what happened inside and he asked me what I was going to do. I told him I had to go back but I really didn't want to do that. I asked him if I could just stay with him and he told me the same things the beings inside told me. I told him that I had learned a great deal being with him and that I would be able to affect much if I were to stay with him and learned all that he could teach me. He told me to be patient. He agreed that I was accurate in what I said about learning so much from our interaction but I may want to weigh the decision in my heart before I decide.
I asked him if there was a way I could see ahead and use what I saw to assist me to decide. He said that was permissible. Bob told me some of what would happen to me if I chose to return to Gaia. These were future things that would happen in my life. He told me that my life hardship would continue for many more years. He said I would have money problems and problems finding and keeping a job. I was to share my story. He said I would have this experience with me always and that I would face obstacles along the way that would keep me from sharing what I have learned.
Bob said that eventually people would seek me out so that I might help them answer their own questions about spirit. He said I would be a healer of souls and that I would assist other healers in the completion their paths. He said that I would marry and have several children. He explained the children I would create are extremely important to Gaia's future and part of my task is to nurture and protect them so that their paths would be more likely to be completed. My future children are part of my soul group. The group of us set goals that we were to help all of the individuals in the group. We planned it in the city of spirit together, then came to Gaia at our appropriate times.
He said that my marriage would suffer and my family wouldn't be very happy until I learned my lessons on how to handle my energy in a positive way. He said once I learned to do that, I would then be evolved enough to begin to share my learning with many other souls.
I would be a big help in raising the energy of those souls as well. He said that it would be best if I shared this particular experience to all whom would choose to listen and believe and that I would learn yet more lessons from doing this. I was told that it would be a benefit to others for me to refrain from drugs and alcohol in order for me to exert more of my focus on serving others. Another reason I was given for refraining from substances was that if I used them my vibration would be limited greatly and I would also be prone to punishment from the authorities on Gaia. He said it was possible that I could lose my physical freedoms from being judged and thrown into jail for something related to this addiction. Bob also explained that I need to remain strong inside of myself and that the substances distort the feeling of confidence I would need to perform my tasks. Until I deemed myself worthy of my tasks, I would not be able to complete them.
Bob said that I would have some difficulty convincing myself as well as other humans that my experience was indeed real. He said I would eventually learn the best way and when to share the wisdom I was given and that I could only influence those who would choose to be influenced because it really is their decision. He told me that a friend of mine would die in a car accident. He said this friend would be drunk when this happened and I would contribute to this happening somehow. He explained to me that what I am to do in my future can be altered by me through the choices of which I am the master of - my own choices. I asked him when I was to return to be with him again. I wanted to know how and when I would be finished on Gaia in a physical form.
Bob said that I would be back after I had touched enough other souls and could answer the group of beings questions such as whether I thought I had affected those souls more positively than negatively with an answer that came with confidence from me, and without hesitation. He said I would eventually learn to reach for my confidence within and affect others in a positive way in this life, provided that I choose to positively grow my soul. He said if I made the choices in my life that truly came from my heart, after I was finished with this life that I would move on to complete a yet higher purpose in a form just like his. Trips to Gaia would become optional for me then. Bob then showed me to a garden where I could sit to think over my choices and make my decision.