Chapter 10: The Big Decision


I went into that beautiful garden to make my decision.  It was very peaceful and serene there. I was alone and had this really important decision to make.  I assessed my options.  It was amazing to me that I still had the free will to make the "wrong" decision, at least one that went against my true feelings.  I suppose that even in the afterlife, choices still need to be made and like all choices the difficulty of them depends on the level of the evolution of a soul.


 I found myself thinking of the choices and feelings I knew were connected to the influences of all of my turns as a human.  I thought about my role in the universe and the great gift of sight and feeling that I was given.  I measured what the effect of a decision to stay, learn more, and then try again when I was ready would be.  I thought of the vision I was given about the family I was to create as well the effect on other souls on Gaia should I return.


I thought of how wonderful Gaia is and how I saw firsthand what humans do to Gaia when they do not focus on being loving with kind actions and thoughts that come from their hearts.  I thought of the special persons I was to create and what the effect would be to the universe and Gaia if I instead chose to stay in this wonderful place and take the long way to complete my tasks.


The longer I thought, the more I realized that much of my thinking was based on a sort of self-centeredness.  I was mostly contemplating how the decision was serving me.  I was still looking for an excuse to not go back to Gaia.  I was amazed that after everything I was shown so freely and with such love, I still could stay if I chose, but my choice could adversely affect the planet that I had fallen in love with all over again.  Since the effect of me choosing to stay would benefit me mostly, I realized that by choosing to stay, I would not be making the choice out of love for the universe or for the souls in it.  It would be only me who benefited, not be the universe.


I remembered that the being of light that guided me called me a master.  I remembered the light of Master Jesus and what he told me.  He didn't say for me to get as much I could by forgetting the feelings of other people.  All he told me that was humans need to love one another.  I thought about the service-oriented tone of my review and of the rest of my experience.  I figured that to practice mastery, I would need to learn to be of service to others and to help others on their journeys in a manner that promotes harmony with all that is.


As I mulled over what I wanted to do, I realized what a master really is.  It made sense to me to think that mastery is a level attained through growing one's soul enough so that the feelings that a soul carries can be shared with other souls to provide a service to them. This helps provide them what they might need to attain mastery themselves.  This certainly made more sense to me than a master being the lord of the manor whose servants are expected to bow down in front of him through fear or intimidation.  I understood that if I were really to be the master my friendly being said I was, I would need to take into account the feelings of others when I act.  It occurred to me that a master is someone who lives to serve, and serves to live. A master is not someone whose main focus is to rule over others and make them do his bidding for his or her own personal gain.  Examining everything from that perspective helped me immensely to make my decision.


I decided to return to Gaia.  After all, it was the least I could do after receiving the great gift I had been given.  After all, time on Gaia isn't long compared to forever.  I felt that because of the gift I received, I needed to make the service oriented decision.  After seeing what I saw and feeling what I felt, for me to choose to stay in the city would serve mostly me, so I decided to return to Gaia to serve others.


I called for my sweet special being.  He appeared to me very quickly and I told him of my decision.  He was brimming with joy and told me he was proud of me and that he would help me when I needed help on Gaia.  He told me that even a being of his level has his assigned tasks and that assisting me was one of his.  He said that his advancement depended in part on how successful he was at influencing me to grow my soul.  He told me that I had helped him very much through my decision.  He said he always loved me and found it remarkable that he could possibly love me even more now!  He told me that he looked forward to the future that I originally chose and am choosing yet again.  He was so excited!


He asked me when I was to return.  I responded that although I loved this great place I was in, I felt a strong urgency to return to Gaia soon as possible to make the time I have to spend there go faster.


He then told me that one standard procedure for souls returning to Gaia was to drink water from the great river of life before they return.  The water's purpose is to protect souls going back from knowing too much from their experience of the in between.  The idea is for souls to experience Gaia in a natural way and evolve without potential distractions.


He said because I was chosen to carry my experience, I didn't have to drink the water before I came back. He said that I could drink if I chose to though.  That was up to me.  I didn't drink from the river because I felt that if I did, the peacefulness I was feeling would wash away along with the memories. My being did touch me on my lips to help me forget the things I could not share from my experience. The things I would forget would be those that if shared with the wrong people on Gaia would cause problems for them.  I was to remember only the points I was shown that would be useful to me to complete this stage of my path and be effective in my service to others.


The being said that when I was ready, I could go back to Gaia and my purpose.  Bob said I was to go back on my own.  He said he would be in close contact with me and help guide me and protect me while it remained part of his purpose.  I felt better about returning because I knew that my time on Gaia is minuscule in proportion to eternity.  I knew that I would eventually return to that city later and that knowledge afforded me such great peace.  I knew I would be OK if I went back to Gaia.  I knew things would be hard for me but I felt that was OK because it was for the good of all, not just for my good.  I remembered much wisdom that I didn't recall before the experience. I knew I would eventually be a great asset to the energies to humans, to Gaia, and the universe.


After that I began my return trip to Gaia and to my hometown.  I followed the trail left from the connection to my physical body to find my way.  I remember seeing the water tower at the Detroit Zoo as I neared home.  The tower was a symbol that showed me that I was nearing the end of my trip back. It was fun to see my great mother Gaia alone, and without my Gaia-body.  I could see the auras on everything and the sun was beginning to rise.  I thought about checking out more places on Gaia prior to reuniting with my body but decided against it because I knew that it could be dangerous for me.  I didn't want to chance being affected by the dark souls that I knew exist on Gaia and I didn't wish to delay my current physical life any longer.  I felt my purpose was too important to chance being led away from the path I was to tread.  I knew that I needed to be careful and that it may be best to move on and do what I needed to do instead of fooling around and getting in trouble.


I stopped at my home and checked on my sleeping family. I saw their auras and everything.  I could see that they needed compassion and love from me.  I wanted to see them before I got back in my body out of curiosity.  I gave them some of my energy because I knew they needed it.  I think my energy was what they really wanted from me all of my life anyway.  I felt that I could give this energy to them freely and out of true love for them without letting them just take it from me.  I realized that I really did love them and that they too are on the paths they need to be on and that I am a soul that is with them for good reason.  I had learned much from them and they learned much from me.  I realized that I had been withholding positive energy from them and that I needed to change that for the better.


After all, such as they were, they were still my family and are fellow souls just like me.  I had been putting big conditions on my love for them and I knew that this was wrong.  If I learned one thing from where I went, it was that true love is unconditional and placing conditions on it takes the true part away. If it were not for unconditional love, I would not have had the experience I had or learned what I learned!


I returned to my friend's house.  Before I went inside, I took a moment to watch the sun rise.  I have yet to experience another sunrise like that one.  I could actually hear it rising and could see the energy coming toward the Earth.  I felt this energy envelop my soul.  That one sunrise inspired me greatly. I will never forget it.  To me it symbolized a sort of rebirth and a promise for the future.


I felt that this dawning day was going to be very special because I had great wonders to share, work to do, and the energy to do both.  I felt the sense of purpose that I had been searching for.  I felt love in myself that I never really accepted or perhaps recognized before.  I actually loved myself.  I had allowed myself to become displaced from that feeling and it felt comforting to know that I could still feel that feeling of love for myself too.  I felt peaceful and free and felt extremely confident I could make it here on Gaia.  I could see this place with new eyes and with a new optimistic and positive outlook.  I felt extremely blessed. I really looked forward to sharing what happened with the souls closest to me.


I went inside the house. I went inside easily because I thought myself inside.  I had finally figured out that on Gaia I didn't need to touch things until I inhabited a body.  I saw my friends sleeping in the family room of the house.  There had to have been five or six teens passed out on the floor.  I saw my body there, still lying in that chair just as I had left it.  I didn't like to see it.  After all the beauty I had seen, my body lying there without me inside it was not at all attractive to me.  It seemed that without my soul my body had no purpose.


The "me" that was outside of my body was really the true me.  I saw my body as merely the vehicle that the true ?me? has to work with.  I knew what would happen when I got back in my body and I didn't want to do it.  I knew the freedom and the love the soul "me" felt would become lessened by the needed slowing of my vibration that enabled me to return to inhabit my body once again. I didn't wish to let the feelings I felt go away.


I did get back in my body though.  I dare say that it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  When I got back in, much of the love and peace I was feeling melted away.  The freedom of movement was gone.  I thought about going somewhere and couldn't go the same way I did without my body.  I felt really heavy and slow.  I awoke as soon as I rejoined my body and had much energy.  I felt OK, except the energy I felt was not as intense as when I was out of my body.  I remembered all of what happened to me and wanted to share my story right away while it was fresh in my mind.